Wednesday, November 5, 2014

"FINISH THIS"

Another week has come and gone and I have no idea where my life is going. My emotions, stress level and anxiety has been at the highest mountains and lowest valleys, that I have ever known and this week I broke.  My mind is constantly spinning and I cant seem to slow it down. I want to take this space though to thank the people in my life who have listened, hugged me and helped me power through this difficult time. Also, thank you God for giving me all of those blessings.

Time for another finish this blog, it is what it is- Imperfect. 

"Finish this..." Week: something that I don't even remember:

1. _________ makes me smile

Love makes me smile. Through this time of pure brokenness, I have not forgotten to smile. There is so much love in my life and I have so much love for those in my life, it simply makes me smile. Because I love so strongly, it probably comes across as too much from those that don't know me that well. When I care, I care 150%.  This week, I have spent time with my family and the love I have for them and the love they have for me, puts a huge smile on my face. Every time I see my baby cousin, I simply beam because she is amazing and full of love and innocence.

I went to my sisters house and seeing the love that her fiance has for her, puts the biggest smile on my face. Seeing their happiness, makes me happy. I am learning to let go of love that has hurt me, Failed love no longer makes me smile. It makes me bitter and that is what I hate the most. But, still there was a time that that love made me smile. I am learning that new love, makes me smile most. The hope that I could fall in love again and in a new way, makes me smile.The idea of loving someone new, puts a smile on my face. I have been broken and it has really messed me up in a lot of ways, but it hasn't stopped me from smiling. I use to be shy  and it caused me to smile less and I had people tell me to be happy and honestly who are they to judge if I am happy. But now that I have grown up, I smile when I am hurting, when I am happy, even when I don't understand something, I smile. It is love under all the confusion that makes me smile.

I have learned that all aspects of love and admiration make me smile. Life is so imperfect- learn to smile at the flaws and learn to love the flaws.
 
2. I put my trust in 

The one who created me. I am the most imperfect vessel and that is because that was Gods intention. I am confident the storms are going to be rough and the devil is trying to break me every single day. But, I trust that God has such a bigger lesson and plan then I could ever imagine. Being patient is not a weakness, it is strength that God gives his most precious children. I don't want to survive the storm, I want to endure it. I cry, I yell, I throw things and I am going to be better afterwards because of it. The imperfection is the reality and I am learning to prosper with a little bit of myself and A LOT of Gods grace. Not everyday will be good, but there will be good in everyday because God intended it to be that way.

I once had a good friend look my in the eye and say "your faith is not tested in the storm, it is tested in the good times." Through, every moments, I trust God is there, saying (probably in a more gentle way)- "Shut up Morgan. We got this. I would give it to you, if  I didn't know that you could take it."

2. I don't

Back down. Sure, I will admit when I am wrong but when I am right-look out. You will not win. When I want something, I get it. One way or another, I will get what I am seeking. And if what I am seeking is not meant for me, I will let it go but not without a fight. And when all effort is lost, I let go and simply move on. From time to time the defeat comes back and I want to relive the fight but I persevere  and know that Gods plan was bigger then what I thought was important. This sucks at times because I don't want to let go, I don't want to give up on something that I was so passionate about once but I have learned that there are no other choices. It isn't backing down by letting go, it is fighting harder- fighting harder for yourself.

2 comments:

  1. I love this! Especially the "I don't back down." You definitely do not back down. One of the many things I love about ya! Great post, Morgan!

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