There are good days and there are bad. Days where I am confident and feel I can take on the world and then there days, like this morning, that I feel defeated.
The past week has been spent with amazing people that have blessed my life, even if I have only known them for a short time. I have felt like I have been on cloud nine. I have felt more alive than I have in 2 years.
Then I woke up this morning, checked my Time hop app and the past was thrown back into my face and my heart sank. The smile on my face and the goofball that put the smile there, were just staring back at me on my phone.
As I posted in my last blog, my boyfriend and I broke up...yes again. I had my heart broken by the same person three times now. It has been a hard lesson to learn but I know now that he was placed in my life for a time but he wasn't meant to stay. For four years, I have loved him, in some way. He has been my best friend and confidant for four years and now we go through life pretending the other doesn't exist because that is what makes this easier.
I do not regret loving him. It taught me what I want and what I do not. I do not forget the hurt but I will forgive him in time. I do not release the memories but I will move forward.
Letting go is sometimes the hardest thing to do, especially when you have convinced yourself for so long that this is all you have ever wanted. I mean what person wouldn't want to fall in love with their best friend? I swore to myself that this time, our relationship would be different, I would not let myself get hurt again but you can not control another person and their actions. Don't get me wrong, I am mad, but I will not talk badly about him. I want him to reach his greatest potential and find what makes him happy. I have had to tell myself that despite all the love and support that I gave him, it wasn't enough, that he was chasing after something more than I could ever be for him.
But here is what I have learned, the greatest gift you can give yourself is learning to let go of what you can not control. I can not control that at I times I miss him and our relationship. I can not control that despite all the love that I have had him, this is the best thing for me and him.
Here is the lesson that I feel all woman need to learn. Despite how long the relationship was, that person will always mean something to you. Also, it does nothing for your cause to go around hating him and saying bad things about him. Also, take this time in your life to be grateful, not resentful. The thing is, God has a plan for every single person that he places in your life. Some will stay with you for a long time and others are only meant to be there for a short while. If you let the loss of that relationship tear you apart, you are only hurting yourself. And there are days that it is going to be hard, it is okay to cry but look at all the good you have in your life and praise God for changing what you didn't want to be changed. You must first fall in love with yourself and than share that love with people that appreciate you. As much as we try and plan our lives, only God knows what our future holds.
Love and life are perfectly imperfect, we learn as we grow. Learn to never regret but always move forward. The best thing you can do is smile and knows that this is exactly where you need to be. Take the time you need to grieve but take more time to live. Go do things that you have always to do but never took the time because you were invested all of your time into other things. Embrace this imperfect time and make it perfect.
No comments:
Post a Comment