Emotions

As another school year comes to a close, I have found myself reflecting and reminiscing over the past year. And what a year it has been. As I talked to one of my best friends Friday night, she mentioned how the past year has been the most emotional year of her life and all I could say with enthusiasm was "Don't even get me started!" Now she me knows me well enough, to that I didn't say it because I didn't care, I said because I understood. She knows exactly what I was talking about and she left it at that. But, she was so right, this year has been a long one, to say the least. I've cried more in the past year than I have in my entire life.I've been more confused in the past 9 months than I have in the past 19 years of my life. And when it comes down to it, it is all over things that I simply have no control over.

But, isn't that so true. The things that hurt us most are things that we can not do anything about. It seems, well for me at least, my heart always seems to want things that it simply can not have therefore it's left broken each and every time.

Every time I pick myself up and find strength in Gods guidance and support, something or someone brings me back to where I was when I fell. I know these stumbling blocks are just bumps in the road that God is using  to prepare for something wonderful but right now in this moment its not that easy to see it that way. I have days that I feel so empowered by God and  then there are days like today that I feel an overwhelming weakness to find an ounce of optimism.

The past month has been crazy in it self and than add on the 6 months before that,well lets just say if it wasn't for the people who love and care about me, I have no clue the state I would be in. I think this year, has sucked so much because last year was such a good year for me. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was doing everything right and this perfect-picture fairy tale I had dreamed about was in reach. Well, quite honestly I think I got a little too confident in my own abilities, and God decided I needed a lesson in leaning on him.

And a lesson I certainly learned the hard way. I don't know why I had to go through it, I guess in ways it has made me a stronger person. It has made me realize that you can never truly love someone before you love yourself. I've learned that no matter what, at the end of the day, I have to do what is best for me. And most importantly, that no matter what I need to love unconditionally, even when it isn't easy and follow my heart. And I've learned that no matter where life takes me, there will be people that I simply will never let go of the love I have for them. They are Gods gifts to me, to keep me grounded and keep my eyes on Christ.

This year has been the furthest thing from perfect, its been imperfect and confusing and hard and trying but despite all that I can say I am blessed! And as I was reminded in my quiet time with God: "Just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life" (Romans 6:4) Change is possible and we are given seconds chances, with every new day we given. Forgive, never forget, but be made stronger and love even more than before.

Keep being imperfect!