"Hey! How is she doing?"

She has a blank stare on her face and fakes a smile so she appears to be fine. When in reality she is falling apart. No one understands and they want to help ease the pain but nothing does because very little makes sense. She loved deeply and now she has no desire to share her love and passion with anyone else. He consumes her every thought and she questions her own sanity because of it.

But is she the one, who is really insane. One single person shattered her plans and now she wanders around looking for a cure to the pain she feels over losing one of the greatest loves she has ever known. She never believed in love at first sight until she found him. From the day they met, he felt like the piece that had been missing from her for a long time and she never knew it. She knew what loving him meant and what it would cost but the sacrifice was worth it because she had never felt more connected to any other soul before in her young life.

Time will go on and she will move on. She will fall in love again but will it ever erase losing him? Will it allow her to forget he existed or will she lay awake at night wondering if he is out in the world and is doing okay. She struggles to understand why she misses him when the pain outweighs the times of joy she had with him. But those moments made her feel so alive, made her feel like she was the only women on the planet. She was always so at ease with him and never judged a single thing he did or didn't do. She accepted him for who he was and loved him unconditionally. She sacrificed and fought with herself because for all the reasons that it was wrong; there was the one reason it was right and that was the love she felt and still feels for him. She longs to tell him that she is proud of him and that he will always be a hero to her.

He has changed her outlook on love and her perception of accepting change. He has heightened her awareness of what she deserves and what she needs to move forward. Her insecurities are on the surface and she fears the world will call her out on it. She craves to be at peace in her own heart and mind. She promised to never give up and never let go but now she is forced to do so. She doesn't want someone to complete her or even be her other half because she finds completeness in herself. What she wants and desires most is to have the one person that makes her laugh like no one else does but who also sacrifices as much as she does and who stands in the storm instead of running away. Someone who fights for her and not with her. Someone who dreams big but doesn't take her away from her own dreams. She wants to understand how one person can mean so much and have such a powerful impact of her daily life. She is strong and smart but this has left her weak and unsure of how she will shake it off.

She is scared that she will always worry about him and never know if he is okay. She is scared the wound is too deep to heal, like Taylor Swift says "band-aids don't fix bullet holes." She wonders does he hate her for a raw emotion or does he love her the same as he did when they would walk hand in hand. He will soon become a memory but he is just as much apart of her present as when they were together. She carries him with her every moment. He told her to move on because he couldn't be what she wanted and deserved. She thinks that is what stings the most of all. More than the loss, its the idea that is not that he couldn't, its that he wouldn't. She knows that he could be everything she deserves because he is everything she wants. She struggles to let him go because she knows its not what he wants either but what other choice does she have then to let go. She tries so hard to let go but his memory is holding on tight. She goes out with other guys and thinks "I can do this, I can feel again." But in reality her heart is not in it, she feels as though she is wandering, unable to find a destination or simply a place to rest. So she continues to run, fast but not always steady. For the first time in forever, she finds comfort in being alone and all she can think "is this my destiny?"

The fear of trying is so much greater than it has ever been, She wants to be stronger and know that it can only go up from here. But, what if  this is where she remains? Because she gets three steps ahead and then out of no where, it hits and she slides back down. In the midst of adversity, she has decided to smile and cry when she needs to and then lets it all go.