Moving is dumb...

Change, Change Go Away

As I sit here in my near empty bedroom, I am overcome with mixed emotions. I have never welcomed change in my life, I like things the way I like things... the same. However, four years ago when I was starting college and overwhelmed with the same mix of emotions a friend  of mine said to me "get it together. You are smart, beautiful and independent. And despite all of that, you are not perfect and things ARE going to change." 

You're probably thinking, wow this girl is an idiot, no duh things change, it's called life. Believe me, I know this but this is a blog coming from the girl who just a week ago threw out every birthday card and a random balloon from her 16th birthday. I don't know if its because I'm indecisive, sentimental or a gemini but I have always hated things to change.  

Being a poor, recent college graduate, I am moving back home with my parents for a while. I'm handling it a lot better than I thought I was going to. A year ago, I was determined to do anything but move back home. Don't get me wrong, I think my parents are the best people on the freaking planet but I'm still worried about the transition back home. Home- a word that means a million different things to me. For the past two years, I have called this apartment: home. 

I have been holding myself together pretty well over this whole moving thing but inevitable the water works came. I was sitting on boyfriends front porch looking at the freshly blooming flowers and fresh cut green grass, thinking how beautiful the season changes are. It's amazing so quickly we wish our lives away in dreadful winter months, only to blink and spring has sprung. Thats how the past four years have been. I muddled and complained and prayed for the wonderful day I would graduate college, a day I thought would never come. Been here I am, I'm a college graduate. I never have to sit through another lecture, another club meeting or wait between classes (the dreaded life of a commuter). I waited and waited for this day and here I am. This is a change that I welcomed, it was so bittersweet. To say goodbye to four amazing years and embark on the next journey. A journey I feel so ready for. 

But with this change, came the reality that more changes would be coming. Like moving out of my apartment. Just like college, I have a ton of wonderful memories in this apartment, that I will always cherish. Leaving a place is like leaving all those memories in the walls, only for someone new to come in and make new ones overtop of yours. I loved this apartment because it was just me and my sister. My best friend and I living together on our own. There were times we didn't see eye to eye but I couldn't have asked for a better roommate. I think that is the hardest part of moving for me this time. This is the last time I will ever live with my big sister. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy as to why that is. She has met the man of her dreams and in my opinion her perfect match. But I'm sad because its the end of era and a time of change.  

No one understands why I call her Amber or sometimes Rose and now thanks to this apartment I call her Donald. Honestly- I don't care if anyone ever understands because she's my sister and she understands just fine. When we moved in here, I was sophomore in college and had no idea what the heck I was doing (I'm not 100% sure if I know now but hell I have a degree now to say I know something) and my sister had just started her second year teaching. As, I sat on boyfriend front porch crying last night, he kept asking "what's wrong?" Only for me to replay "nothing." News flash- nobody cries about nothing. As I sat there, crying into his shoulder, I kept replaying the past four years. So much has changed and well I might not have embraced these changes right away, eventually they became part of me. I will carry these changes and memories with me. They have shaped me into who I am right now. I am sure as I start my new job on June 1st, that change with shaped me even more. 

Some of my favorite memories were shared in this apartment with some of greatest people I am blessed to call family. And honestly, none of them were or are earth shattering. It's the little moments that shape a life. It's learning how to Dougie in the living room, it's having strange people sleep on your dining room floor from a friends bachelor party, it's watching Once and eating fondue cooked by chef Jason, it's having your boyfriend make you caramel popcorn to help with your cramps, it's the damn boxcar children playing drums in the apartment above you, it's eating Royal Farms chicken at 2 am and it's watching your big sister become your best friend. 

Change is so hard. I don't know if I will ever enjoy it but I am learning to embrace it. I'm sad to live my little apartment but I'm happy for the next part of the journey and where new memories will take me. I'm sad to not live with my sister anymore but I'm excited for her and the life she is starting with her soul mate. I'm sad college is over but I am excited about starting my new job. If things remained the same, we never learn. never grow and never be in awe of the life that God has given us. So here I go- embracing change and loving this perfectly imperfect life.